all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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