you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize