apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
