I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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