turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
