i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
