I hate your face
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
