I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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