he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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