She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
