So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
