Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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