She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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