I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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