Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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