I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
