i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
