the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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