I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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