Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
