I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
