How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
