I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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