My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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