I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
And the cops told us we were all naked.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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