I am in a vortex of obligation.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
