You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize