i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
