he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize