So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
