I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
