ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
