There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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