so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
