i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
