i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
