sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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