DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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