all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
