Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
