the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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