Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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