the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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