is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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