matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Still dying that you shit outside
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
