hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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