Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
