my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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