He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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