Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
