I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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