Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
