I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
