**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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