I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
