we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
