Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
