I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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