sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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