Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
