babies were throwing up all over the place
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We had sex on a dog bed..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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