You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
