remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Randomize