Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
