Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
They have beer where we have blood.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Help me help you realize you are a moron
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
