Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
