i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have so many feelings about this burrito
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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