I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
