One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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