Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Boobs speak an international language.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize