Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize