And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
