You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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