seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
