Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
