the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
