Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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