Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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