Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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