You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
