i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
