the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
