his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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