It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
