I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
