sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
