like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
