i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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