i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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