I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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