HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
