It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
