Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
