paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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