Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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