That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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