I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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