How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
