i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
