There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize