with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
