Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
