I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
