I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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